Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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