I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
