If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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