I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
