There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
