I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
