It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
