It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
