I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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