did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
