My brain says no but my pants say off.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
