i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
