I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
