my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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