remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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