They should really pass out barf bags in church
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
