Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
They took my balls.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
