There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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