I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize