I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
