im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
