you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
