look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
