mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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