Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
