I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
