fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
