I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
