Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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