it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Say something about gay babies.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we're making bets on your personal life
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
