Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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