NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
