She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
