i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
