have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
