TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
