I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
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Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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