I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I need to calm my uterus...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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