Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
