Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
