Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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