is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just found a bag of teeth...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
