His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
