my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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