absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
