He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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