After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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