Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize