youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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