I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
