States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
