he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
