do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
