I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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