Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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