Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
