I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
