If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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