When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
