1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
