I'm so fucking centered right now
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
